31 December, 2004

New year lazy and psychiatry

Folks, It is new year and it's been Christmas and if you're American it's been so many things you just give up and say Holidays. But for the ADHD Librarian that means a whole pile of nothing. If I wasn't on the desk then I'd just be surfing the net, reading a good book or laying around and scratching myself. Still as the Manager, Library Services (acting) I get to have all the fun of being paid more than usual for my poor behaviour. My ADHD readers will understand the lack of guilt I feel about this, in truth I feel a twinge of something, I think it is fear of being caught. Guilt just doesn't filter through my damaged synapses to the part of the brain which gives a shit about others (I only guess my brain even has that bit).
Which brings me nicely to my psychiatrist, nice guy but yes HE DID ASK ME ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FATHER!!!!!!! What gives, I'm no psych (psycho perhaps) but I thought The Freud Dude went out with smoking in childcare centres and feeding plastic bags to dolphins? Why does my relationship to my father change a chemical imbalance in my grey matter?
Other than that however the visit seemed to go quite well, I'm booked in for a full round of testing, you know screaming in rage as the square peg refuses to go into the round hole. Answering questions such as, whether I would rather be a pilot or a lumberjack. Well I don't think you can get these things wrong, perhaps I'll bring along my d4 for the multiple choice questions?
Well time to stop the laziness and start the party, I've got friends coming over to bring in the 'International Year of Peter Perfect' Go 05 ! And there is a bottle of Vodka in the fridge because I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me. . .

30 December, 2004

little blue pills anyone

No, not those little blue pills. I've always been happy to be unmedicated, well since I found out I was ADHD. Before that I didn't know I was unmedicated. But the job is placing demands on my brain that my jumpy, loud, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh response isn't going to help. As such I've decided to talk to a psychiatrist about . . .

well about whatever the hell t is that you speak to psychiatrists about? I don't know probably about my father and my desire to smoke Cuban cigars. Or perhaps the affect my mother's feminism had on my poor psyche. Anyway I'm hoping to come away with some better ways of interacting with the world with particular emphasis on the parts of the world who are my staff and patrons of the library. My family, well there not going to sack me or write complaint letters although my wife would like to put my head through a wall on occasions. Like the occasions when I forget to. . . umm I forget what I forget but I remember that I do forget, bugger it.

20 December, 2004

Whom What Wherefore...

Where the hell have I been?

Hell I don't know. I've been in the library and at the computer but just haven't got off my arse and published anything. Well, I am the ADHD librarian after all, you don't expect me to be organised and document everything do you?

So, in the time since I last wrote I've been the acting 2IC and now the acting Manager. Yes folks the library is going to hell in a hand basket with me at the helm.
I have a great team of people and they are helping me to cope with the fact that I am currently the top three people in the library.
There is just too much hat swapping when I can be in a meeting with the directors at 10:30 but then be doing storytime for some psycho 3 year olds at 11.
And on an ADHD note, I'm thinking it is time to dose myself to the eyeballs. I don't know how else I can manage to get anything done (let alone everything). As a children's librarian if you go a bit manic and roll on the floor growling, people assume you're doing it for the kiddies. As library manager people tend to have their suspicions as to my motives.

My old methods of just doing things until (by accident) something works and I get a reward, just doesn't cut it either. People expect the manager to be able to articulate a plan.

The library will do stuff. Isn't the mission statement the CEO wants.
If I get the job permanently I'll need to 'get my shit together' as they* say.
Still I've got Christmas to stuff my career up further by continuing to be me at work. I need some sort of method where I get a personality transplant as I walk through my office door.

*they in this case being wankers