31 December, 2004

New year lazy and psychiatry

Folks, It is new year and it's been Christmas and if you're American it's been so many things you just give up and say Holidays. But for the ADHD Librarian that means a whole pile of nothing. If I wasn't on the desk then I'd just be surfing the net, reading a good book or laying around and scratching myself. Still as the Manager, Library Services (acting) I get to have all the fun of being paid more than usual for my poor behaviour. My ADHD readers will understand the lack of guilt I feel about this, in truth I feel a twinge of something, I think it is fear of being caught. Guilt just doesn't filter through my damaged synapses to the part of the brain which gives a shit about others (I only guess my brain even has that bit).
Which brings me nicely to my psychiatrist, nice guy but yes HE DID ASK ME ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FATHER!!!!!!! What gives, I'm no psych (psycho perhaps) but I thought The Freud Dude went out with smoking in childcare centres and feeding plastic bags to dolphins? Why does my relationship to my father change a chemical imbalance in my grey matter?
Other than that however the visit seemed to go quite well, I'm booked in for a full round of testing, you know screaming in rage as the square peg refuses to go into the round hole. Answering questions such as, whether I would rather be a pilot or a lumberjack. Well I don't think you can get these things wrong, perhaps I'll bring along my d4 for the multiple choice questions?
Well time to stop the laziness and start the party, I've got friends coming over to bring in the 'International Year of Peter Perfect' Go 05 ! And there is a bottle of Vodka in the fridge because I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me. . .

30 December, 2004

little blue pills anyone

No, not those little blue pills. I've always been happy to be unmedicated, well since I found out I was ADHD. Before that I didn't know I was unmedicated. But the job is placing demands on my brain that my jumpy, loud, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh response isn't going to help. As such I've decided to talk to a psychiatrist about . . .

well about whatever the hell t is that you speak to psychiatrists about? I don't know probably about my father and my desire to smoke Cuban cigars. Or perhaps the affect my mother's feminism had on my poor psyche. Anyway I'm hoping to come away with some better ways of interacting with the world with particular emphasis on the parts of the world who are my staff and patrons of the library. My family, well there not going to sack me or write complaint letters although my wife would like to put my head through a wall on occasions. Like the occasions when I forget to. . . umm I forget what I forget but I remember that I do forget, bugger it.

20 December, 2004

Whom What Wherefore...

Where the hell have I been?

Hell I don't know. I've been in the library and at the computer but just haven't got off my arse and published anything. Well, I am the ADHD librarian after all, you don't expect me to be organised and document everything do you?

So, in the time since I last wrote I've been the acting 2IC and now the acting Manager. Yes folks the library is going to hell in a hand basket with me at the helm.
I have a great team of people and they are helping me to cope with the fact that I am currently the top three people in the library.
There is just too much hat swapping when I can be in a meeting with the directors at 10:30 but then be doing storytime for some psycho 3 year olds at 11.
And on an ADHD note, I'm thinking it is time to dose myself to the eyeballs. I don't know how else I can manage to get anything done (let alone everything). As a children's librarian if you go a bit manic and roll on the floor growling, people assume you're doing it for the kiddies. As library manager people tend to have their suspicions as to my motives.

My old methods of just doing things until (by accident) something works and I get a reward, just doesn't cut it either. People expect the manager to be able to articulate a plan.

The library will do stuff. Isn't the mission statement the CEO wants.
If I get the job permanently I'll need to 'get my shit together' as they* say.
Still I've got Christmas to stuff my career up further by continuing to be me at work. I need some sort of method where I get a personality transplant as I walk through my office door.

*they in this case being wankers

22 July, 2004

Who's that librarian?

It has happened, Good God! I spent part of today being 'that' librarian. You know the one, every library has one, the one who makes sure the shelves are neat. Who knows which staff members are shelving incorectly

13 July, 2004

I have fan mail!!

I was replying to an email from a reader, when I realised that I was so inordinatly proud of my reply it should be posted so you could all benifit from my wit.

Hey! I stumbled across your blog through bloglines, and was quite pleased to see an ADHD librarian site.
I'm actually considering doing a research paper on librarians with ADHD. If you would like to get interviewed/surveyed for this, I would appreciate it. If you know any other articles or research or anything about ADHD librarians, please share!
be reading you,

you say librarians with ADHD like we're common. Damn, I so loved being unique. That's the bad thing about the internet, whatever you think is unique about yourself, suddenly it isn't anymore.
You know the story, you type in 'sex with goats' (and who hasn't) into a search engine and your simple perversion turns out to be so common you have to choose wether to read the newsgroup for Anglo-Nubian, Saanen or Toggenburg.

01 July, 2004

the ADHD who

after a whole mess of missing in action, I'm back.
New financial year, new money not yet in the bank, old invoices all paid? and the budget has been zeroed and every budget line has a different number this year. Why?
Because the people in finance can. At least I don't know any other reason.

We've been short staffed, over worked and the acting senior librarian doesn't know what the hell he's doing. I'd complain about the incompitent git, except he is me. To make matters even more frantic the manager is going away for a few weeks and I get the top job.
Why do I get the added responcibility? My superior reasoning skills? My ability to balance the books? The ability to manage staffing issues? umm, no, it's because I'm the only one who wants to do it. "Sit back suckers and enjoy the ride. Don't complain about the government if you didn't vote!"

more to come.......

04 June, 2004

lies, damned lies and my resume

I'm writing my resume at present. A hard task at the best of times but on this occasion it is for an internal position (the one I am acting in). My problem is that I would usually over emphasise my brilliant points and ignore the negative. And this is how I expect that other applicants will manage their applications. How do you manage that in an internal situation? Everyone already knows what a screw up I can be and if I'm honest on the time management part of the job they'll just laugh. But I just know those other bastards are lying through their teeth in order to get MY JOB!!!!
I guess I have in my favour "Better the devil you know"
It's not much but it just might work.

01 June, 2004


It isn't ADHD or Library related (as such) but I think that Douglas Adams was a little bit ADHD and a little bit librarian. Perhaps?
Anyway, the hitchikers guide is being filmed at the moment. Cinematically this is the best news I've heard since I found out that LotR was being done by Peter Jackson.

The cast is,
Anna Chancellor .... Questular
Warwick Davis .... Marvin the Paranoid Android
Mos Def .... Ford Prefect
Zooey Deschanel .... Tricia McMillan ("Trillian")
Martin Freeman .... Arthur Dent
John Malkovich .... Humma Kavula
Bill Nighy .... Slartibartfast
Steve Pemberton .... Mr. Prosser
Sam Rockwell .... Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Work wise all I have to say at the moment is that "the hours are good"

31 May, 2004

Caution, Lunatic running asylum

I hate to boast, but I am now (acting) 2IC of the library. Yeah me!
Wait, i don't hate to boast, I love it, that's at least part of the reason I have a blog!

In other news, I managed six radio spots for ALIA's Library and Information week although I apparently upset the archivist when I talked about the archive (I don't remember talking about the archive).

In ADHD news, Willie Mason has placed himself on an alcohol ban (good move), however since my last post bagging the poor sap, I have heard that the NSW rugby league gave each player $1000 spending money for one night on the town as a 'bonding exercise'. And I have to admit that with $1000 burning a hole in my pocket I may be tempted to behave like a twat.

27 May, 2004

Oh to be 15 again

We've got a trainee running around the library upsetting the staff and generally being fifteen. Having been fifteen myself once (apparently a lot of our staff never were) I wonder what the hell people expected of a 15 year old trainee? Did they expect that after two weeks she'd be a full dynamic member of the library team?
A mate of mine is a builder and he assures me that apprentices cost money. That is to say you take on an apprentice and they proceed to break things at a rate of knots, leaving the builders bank account shaky.
At least there is very little danger of that in the library, a trainee costs staff time in training, costs resources like a new computer, a desk and a lot of money in personal phone calls but with luck at the end of the two years you have someone who still wants to work in a library.
15 year olds however don't tend to want to do exactly what they're told whereas older (bun wearing shushing) librarians tend to act like the RSM of my old regiment and expect instant and exact compliance.
I've taken on the role of being the trainer for a couple of days and can say with pride that I'm coming across as the cool guy who is fun to work for. The down side of that is that I'm also failing to actually teach anything or get any work done by said trainee. So I think the attempts to be liked by the trainee are an indication that I'm a sad git with some sort of pathetic need to be popular.
Oh well I'll get over it,
Seems to me that the combination of ADHD librarian and Librarian with a Bun probably averages out?

25 May, 2004

ADHD is no excuse

For those of you who don't follow Australian Rugby League, let me tell you about this chap. Willie Mason is a footballer (rugby league) whose management have just blamed a whole raft of 'bad' behaviours on ADHD.
Let me just say Ahhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggggh.
As someone with ADHD I would like to say "I have never been involved in rape, group sex (consensual or otherwise) , I have never worn a T-shirt and shorts to a police interview, I have never visited a brothel or... "
And if I had done any or all of those things it would be because I did them, it would not be because I have ADHD and this is a poor way for this bloke's manager to try and win public sympathy for a client.

To quote Peter FitzSimons
What league collectively needs is to bloody well grow up. It needs all those in positions of leadership within the game to hammer home the following message: Guys, if you look at your watches you'll find that it's not only 2004 but the sun is shining, and from this point on you will be treated as grown men who will be held accountable for your own actions. No more excuses. No more perpetually acting like 18-year-old louts, away from mummy and daddy for the first time on your first trip to the Gold Coast. It's over. Too many people have loved this game for too long and built it up for too many decades to allow one generation to piss it all up against the wall in one go. So get the message or get out

It's at times like this I can stand proud and say I'm glad I play Rugby Union it's a much better game. Played by gentlemen!

24 May, 2004

collar and tie

I'm writing this post in response to The Well Dressed Librarian's post regarding the wearing of ties by library staff. It reminds me of an occasion when I as a Library Assistant decided I needed to lift my profile in the organisation and repair some of the damage my poorly regulated mouth had done to my promotional prospects. The solution was obviously, wear a tie. This lead to patrons, suppliers and contractors assuming that I was the senior staff member. On one occasion while out with my boss a supplier bidding for a large contract with us spent the entire time talking to me because I was a bloke in a tie and my boss was 'just a woman'.

However the tie wearing died a death for a while when the library manager in a casual conversation said to me "you don't earn enough to wear a tie".
How is that for a put down? I believe that his intent was to say that as the council didn't see fit to pay Library staff as much as it did engineers why should we have to put up with the discomfort of ties. Which is a fair point. The tie did come back after I graduated and was pressing for a Librarian's Position but now that I'm in the outback I feel overdressed just wearing long pants and the ties are once again just decorations for the inside of my wardrobe.

20 May, 2004

Take your 'chain mail' and shove it up your...

There should be some way that people who forward stupid emails could be rounded up and beaten with rattan canes. Sort of like public flogging for those of us whose office mates and friends forward all manner of mindless drivel masquerading as public service notices.
In the last few days I have had emails warning me that those with HIV are stuffing used syringes into movie seats (scary lies) that Bill Gates will give me money for forwarding e-mails (greedy lies) that rapists are pretending to be the police and pulling over cars on remote roads for rape and murder, complete with a recommendation that you don't pull over until you've called the local police station on your mobile and confirmed they have a car in your area (stupid lies).
If I was to look at the emails I've had over the last few years, I can say I've had thousands of emails that those who forwarded them on to me should have known better about. Lets face it if you are sending e-mail then you have the net and can therefore check the validity of the email you are forwarding. Or is that just a librarian's way of thinking?
I have now taken to writing snide replies to those who send these to me and I cc it to anyone whose e-mail I can ascertain from the message as someone who has forwarded it on. I've stopped being nice because I figure if people are too stupid to realise they AREN"T GOING TO GET A FREE NOKIA then they're too stupid to understand a subtle reply.
So for those of you reading this who have forwarded on 'chain mail' let me say "you're a moron and don't bloody do it again" If you believe there is a valid reason to forward it on, because we your friends will all die from reusing our PET bottles
check a reliable source first, I use snopes it leaves my hair shiny and manageable plus if you put a link to them on your web page they'll email you $100 and an extra $25 for each person who follows the link and a free mobile phone once you reach 1000 referrals. And each month they give away a Ford Territory to a random user and they track your referrals using a new program from Bill Gates that generates money by turning binary code into a new polymer note need I go on?

19 May, 2004

caution media whore

I'm whoring the profession around the media today and into next week. I had a TV gig today, then a newspaper photo shoot and next week I have a couple of radio spots. What can a librarian do to impress the media? I don't know but I keep getting invited back so I must be doing something right.
I'm afraid I won't be identifying the media organisations concerned as I'm trying to maintain a level of plausible denyability about this blog. That is I'd like to be able to say (should anyone at work challenge me about this blog) "wow, what a coincidence that guy sounds a lot like me"

So why the press, you mean aside from my obvious charms?
Well it's Library and Information Week, the traditional week for librarians to try and claim they are young and hip. We have an excuse to get off the circ desk and into the TV studio to say witty things like
"please come into the library, if we don't get more members the'll be cutbacks"
"We'd like to ask members to stop chroming in the Young Adults Lounge"

you know standard stuff...

The library is all out of Waldorfs

Well, I just discovered that Steiner education is also called Waldorf Education. The parent who came in was so concerned that I didn't know. Still I guess that if you go to a school that teaches you to read and write then you miss out on the finer points of Waldorfing.
The funny thing was that when searching for Waldorf, I kept finding Fawlty Towers videos. I thought of suggesting she watch those, but like most Steiner folk I have come across she seemed in urgent need of a sense of humour injection and I could just see that it was a bad idea.
Wow, I saw it was a bad idea and therefore shut my mouth! I didn't realise it until I typed it, what a breakthrough in my personal development.

I don't know what it is I have against Steiner Education. As an ADHD boy you'd think I'd be all for it, but somehow it seems to bring out the nutbags. I have had many problems with Steiner Folk, wanting resources from the library, no correction, demanding them. Resources that the library budget doesn't stretch too. You know it is so hard to find a polite way to say
"if you sent your kids to a real school they'd have books there".
but I'm not about to spend my budget on sets of readers because the Steiner school doesn't have any.
Nor am I buying texts on the philosophy of Steiner education just because some Steiner parents believe that I should be spruiking for their cause.

15 May, 2004

vote one Irma Moron

Yes it is that wonderful time in the life of the public librarian. Local Government Elections, an occasion when potential politicians get space in the local paper by big noting themselves and criticising all the people they'll have to work with on the off chance they are elected.
At present we have had one candidate propose closing the library as a cost saving measure and another describe "worse than third world hygiene"
Now it is my guess that this man has never even been to Yorkshire.
I know for a fact that the candidates who have been sounding off about the library aren't members, don't come in here and in short are talking out of their arses!
The real pain in all of this is I'm not permitted to write any sort of reply to the papers to contradict the idiocy, inaccuracy and grandstanding of these wannabes. If fixing all of the towns problems was so simple you could assume the last council would have done it, so should these folk get elected they'll end up disenchanted with the difficulty of actually operating within their charter (and the law) and will end their term by attending one council meeting a year only raising their heads again when it's time to be re-elected.

14 May, 2004


Gentle readers,
I have learned a new word Confabulation, it is in brief the telling of stories (loosely based on the truth) in order to protect ones self from the negative aspects of ones own behaviour.
Having learned this word I felt it was only fait to admit to being a confabulator. Yes the stories I tell all have a thread of truth in them, but all are seen through ADHD coloured glasses. That is to say at the time these things were happening I was probably not paying attention, rather I was looking out the window at a shiny object. Therefore the stories I write are reconstructions, written as I try to make sense of the things that go on @ my library.

No wait, I've been reading too many books on ADHD. From here on in it will be better for everyone if you just believe that I wouldn't lie to you and every word I present to you is 100% total honesty (or at least a big picture overview, I wouldn't want to worry you with the boring details).

13 May, 2004

licorice allsort

More on the paint job we've been having in the library. Aside from the fact that my office looks like a juice bar, there is more. The public area looks like we're working inside a giant licorice allsort and the back workroom looks like an aquarium.

The odd thing is the fact that all in all I like it??? Still there's no accounting for taste (or lack there of) Two more days until the public get to come in and complain about how much they hate it

12 May, 2004

Born to be mild

There is a regular patron here, an old bloke with a chin covered with drool, a shuffling gait and the sort of deep croaking voice one associates with the undead inhabitants of pyramids. In short this chap seems older than Methuselah.

However as we are closed for redecorating I happened to run into him outside the library, near the carpark. I had a nice chat where he admitted he'd forgotten we were closed (I've told him at least four times in the last fortnight and I guess other staff would have spoken to him too as he is a regular).

So why bring this up?
Well, I took his returns off him, said "see you next week" and watched as he CLIMBED BACK ON HIS MOTORBIKE.
Now this bloke has trouble standing when choosing library books but he thinks nothing of riding about town on a little 125?????????????????

I was stunned, always picked him as the type to ride the bus.

10 May, 2004

My office now looks like a juice bar!

Yes, it is repainting time @ my library (TM) and the colours my office has been painted are lemon and lime, sure they have fancier names on the colour chart (tropical wild and flobadobba or something equally stupid) but I feel like I should be selling shots of wheat grass.

Still the place was in need of a paint and I'm happy to exclude the public from the place for a week. I told a few people today that the new paint scheme will drive me mad as ADHD meets the most uplifting colour scheme outside of a McVomits Family Restaurant and all night toilet stop.
They all rolled their eyes and tried to imagine me becoming more hyper.


Still on the positive side I cleaned my desk of 12 months worth of clutter, so when the removalists put my desk back I'll be able to start again.
I did however read that my desk is a mess as a coping mechanism for the ADHD, that is to say
"I fear that out of sight is out of mind therefore I fear filing things out of sight"

Thank God for ADHD self help books, they provide me with so many insights into my behaviour, trouble is that the ADHD means I couldn't care enough to fix the problems.

06 May, 2004

I'm a character in a Dilbert Cartoon

From: ScottAdams@aol.com [mailto:ScottAdams@aol.com]
Sent: Thursday, 6 May 2004 1:43 PM
To: John

Thanks for the quote. I appreciate it.
Scott Adams


What do you mean he uses the same form reply letter to every looser who emails him?
umm, besides which I can't even remember what part of my work day was so fantastic I felt it needed to be in a cartoon.

29 April, 2004

No surprises

My inner child is ten years old today

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

So I'm not the 'Children's Librarian', I'm the 'Child Librarian'.

I can live with that, my wife always tells me it's like she has four kids!

28 April, 2004

Projectile Vomiting - latest Olympic sport dominated by Librarian

This was the subject line of an e-mail I received today.
And it is true, while showing a visiting author around the local area I managed what has to be my personal best. I went through 36 hours of complete and utter vomiting.
I couldn't keep water down. Now you may think, bad news take a day off work and let someone else give this guy the tour. The problem is we were 400km from my place (and about 1500km from his) and we had small children to impress with our ability to do writing and literacy workshops.

So the day went like this...

Hi I'm Paul Stafford and the man vomiting into your class' wastepaper basket is a Librarian (at which point I wave, then fall asleep in the corner).

At first I thought I was hung over, as Paul and I had been out drinking the previous night. You know two 30 something guys away from their wives forgetting theyíre not 19 any more.
But, "I don't remember drinking enough to feel like this" is the cry of all blokes that next morning.
However it turns out I was in fact down with a virus, and I'd like to thank Dr Helen of the RFDS for the late night callout and the nice drip load of drugs she put in my arm to make me well enough to fly out the next day.

It was a great tour, and I look forward to seeing the photos.

23 April, 2004

Get off my soddin' Hovercraft

We've been dishing out trespass notices the last few days to patrons who insist on beating the living shite out of each other as an alternative to simply booking the TV and video.

Now the trespass notice which we get to serve must be left over from the 70s or something, because it states that people aren't allowed back on our property, or boat, car or our hovercraft. But how often would anyone need a trespass notice for a hovercraft?

This is a Government form letter, where you cross out the bits that do not apply, but I am now thinking of spending my entire 2004/05 budget on a small hovercraft just so I can tell these people to get off it!

05 April, 2004

School Holidays

The kids are taking a bit of a break from school at present. And as such there are a whole mess of the little critters running around on my floor.
I'm thinking of putting down baits.

Although my workmates tell me that "that's not the right attitude for a Childrenís Librarian"
They might have a point.

In all honesty, I do like children,
although I can't eat more than one a day

no, no, no bad librarian!

I mean to say....

31 March, 2004


Another staff member described today as,

"rearranging the shelving on the Titanic"

I'm going to go home now and drink more than is healthy.

30 March, 2004

Fame Awaits

Tell Tarantino

There is at present a film crew in our library. Theyíre filming a commercial and I confess I have been watching them rather than working.

The interesting thing is the 'librarian', no it isn't a middle aged woman with her glasses on a chain. It's a middle aged man with his glasses on a chain.
I'm so glad they're not using a stereotype.

Do you think I could start an international film career by wandering around in shot?

29 March, 2004

Secondpost ? today!

I don't know if it is the ADHD or just that I'm an arsehole, but the world if full of people who know my name. But I don't know whom in the hell they are.

Person: Hi john

John: Hi............. you?

Just a sample of I conversation I have every day a hundred times. That's the trouble with a town of only 30 000.
Do I know them from the library? Church? Rugby? Kids School? Aren't you my brother?

You see there are two kinds of people in this world,
'me' and 'not me'.

mmmmmmmm sometimes I wonder when ADHD stops and Autism starts
ohhhhhhhhhhh look shiny thing


It's the bane of my life at the moment.
Nothing I seem to do can make the library secure because I have firemen telling me that I can't lock any of our exits. This old library has had too many extensions done, which means that there are more corners than the hall of mirrors and there is no money in our budget for surveillance.
There is the constant trill about the place of people opening fire doors and by the time staff work out which door it was there is no one to be seen. On top of this our courtyard gates need to be unlocked (for emergency exits) so anyone can wander out with whatever book they like.
Despite this we are still buying security tags for the books and getting the technicians in to fix the book theft alarms on the front door.

The latest problem occurred over the weekend but wasn't picked up till Monday morning. Someone had levered off the coinbox on the copier in our local studies room.
Now this wouldn't have been an easy task. They must have done it when we were open as there was no alarm overnight. They would have needed a screwdriver and some significant force to get the thing to open
And they would have got about $2 if they were lucky.

25 March, 2004

Interesting day today

Storytime morning and I was surrounded by the preschoolers.
(where else in a library would you find the ADHD boy?)
Anyway I was half way through the first story
"The Tricky Truck Track" when a mother interjected with
"Slow Down"
now being the caring and considerate guy I am I muttered
and carried on regardless.
A short time later she gets up with her kid and walks out.

Now I know my 'no' was short sharp and rude but so was her interrupting the story. If the kids interrupt I can deal with it, ignore it? Say that's nice now sit down. But when the parents do it can I treat them the same way?

So was I reading fast? Sure, the book is a bit of a tongue twister and it works well at a fast pace the kids roar with laughter when I #$%^& up and stutter my way through it.

End of the story?
it turns out she was so unhappy with my performance she complained (to one of the library assistants).
In a conversation which went something like this.
Patron: "what happened to the other man who tells stories?"
Staff: "umm, there's only one man who tells stories"
p: "oh. Well I'm not happy I told him to slow down and he said no and he tells stories like he's on crack."

Now let me interject, how does she know what a crackhead reading to preschoolers sounds like? Does she go to the crackhouse storytime on a Tuesday and the library storytime on a Thursday?

Anyway she has vowed never to come back to the library. If I believed her I'd be happy but experience tells me that the patrons who complain most about our services are the ones who will not go away.