15 June, 2010

no ritalin = no regular updates?

It has been a long weekend here, and Friday before the long weekend was a school day at the beach. As such I have had 4 days ritalin free and am feeling damned depressed about how much I have come to depend on my magic tablets. The funny thing (ha ha) is that I am probably more productive sans ritalin that I was pre ritalin but (as I have bemoaned here on the blog before) having seen the matrix, I can't go back to the life I once lived. I am aware that it is all just a computer program. No, mean I am aware that I am not the same person without the drug.

But, I am at work ritalin free today anyway. Why? Well, there are only 2 days of 'work' this week followed by 2 days of PD. So, being as it is the end of term, I think I can manage to check in the piles of returning textbooks without the brain firing on the frontal lobe, so rather than have a couple of days of ritalin followed by 2 weeks 'straight edge' I will make it 3 weeks without the junk and then with luck I can kick the mild depression that comes with the drug free world for me these days.

Oh, and because of the vagaries of the English language, that is a different depression to the one I mentioned earlier. Sure, I get 'depressed' when I realise I am not functioning as I could be. But that is probably more a mild annoyance. But when I don't take the ritalin I get a bit of actual depression. Nothing major, no need for people to remove sharp objects from my house or anything, but I do find that I can come to depend (ever so slightly) on the boost that ritalin gives me.

There is no punch line at the end of this post.


Kim said...

It must be good to take a break for a while albeit a double-edged sword when the black dog visits.

restructuregirl said...

Whew! Good luck over the next 3 weeks.