31 May, 2006
Caution, this post is only for Australians!
Non-Australians should not read any further, but rather should move as quickly as possible to an Australian Consulate and begin filling out an application to emigrate.
Before I start on any claims that I myself am funny, let me set a scene.
Rove McManus has been the new Daryl Somers for some time now. A crown he has managed to hold on despite the actual Daryl Somers returning like some sort of reanimated light entertainment zombie.
Daryl seems to be working to be the new Don Lane or perhaps a male Kerry-Anne?
So, what has this to do with me getting a national TV gig? Well, who remembers Daryl? the patrons of a Public Library, that's who. The very people who are asking my help choosing their large print Barbara Cartland novels because they dropped their bifocals in their colostomy bag.
Well, I can talk their language (why did you think it took so long to qualify as a librarian, all we do is read books all day). I am perfectly positioned to pass on the secrets of Hey Hey's continued high ratings even after it jumped the shark (perhaps 'Hired the Molly' could be the Australian jumped the shark).
You can't tell me Peter Hellier couldn't improve the show by going home and whipping up an ostrich puppet. And if Corrinne Grant isn't Denise Drysdale for the metrosexuals then I'm a chocolate teapot.
You know what I'm talking about Rove.
After writing this I wondered if anyone else thought this way. I discovered the SMH considerer Rove to be the new Mike Walsh. If only the frail aged (soiling themselves in comfort at the Public Library) remember Daryl, it would be fair to say there are only three people other than me remember who Mike Walsh was. Sadly, that includes Mike. Oh, he's not dead he just hasn't the foggiest idea who he is.
As for Kerry-Anne, I think it is about time we petitioned those who control the Matrix to reload our memories without her in them. After all, there is a difference between Light Entertainment and Vapidbrainliquefying Entertainment.
It seems that being the alternate to someone is the Aussie way. Steve Vizard tried to be the Australian Letterman and when that failed attempted to be our Michael Milken.
It's not all one way traffic though. I'm fairly sure Bill Clinton was trying to be the American Bob Hawke. He just failed to translate the jokes into American. Australians loved being governed by a lecherous drunk but Americans just couldn't see all the good things about having a leader who knows how to let go of stress. And there is Rupert Murdoch, who did a good job of becoming the American Rupert Murdoch.
Now, I'm not sure that this is enough to convince anyone that I deserve a TV gig. But if you know Rove, let him know I'm interested. I'd send it to him myself but I don't know his address. And who can find someone to do that sort of research for free. It'd take some sort of Government sponsored 'Public' Librarian and with The Australian Margaret Thatcher in office, there is unlikely to be enough money for both that and tax cuts.